Gratitude & Healing

I wrote this very short poem as a dedication to those Guardian angels, specifically to one, who watched over my husband and kept him safe the other day after his accident. I was told by a very special person who they were and what they did. I had expected and was not surprised to learn of the one, but when told the other, I honestly was not too pleased to learn of.  As difficult as it will be for me, I know deep in my heart I have to learn to accept that she was a blessing, and is still a blessing as she continues to watch over him.

Thanks for stopping by, and enjoy . . .


Not just one, but two

Guardian angels

My gratitude to you

I know who you are

Always watching over him

From near and afar

I did my share of cleansing

Allowing pure light in

Considered now a blessing

Healing souls can begin


You may want to read my post “Blackout”

Blackout

I received a text message from my husband at 4:30 a.m., the normal time he arrives at work, stating he had a good story to tell me when he got home.  I replied back to just tell me now since I was awake.  He then replied back that he couldn’t at the moment.  I figured it had something to do with work and understood I’d have to wait.  Over the years, I’ve grown accustom to him building up the suspense of a story he needs to share with me, which he always saves for “later”.

Fast forward to him arriving home.  He showed me two, nickel-sized abrasions on his left, outer knee.  Then proceeded to show me another nickel-sized abrasion on his left shoulder.  Wide-eyed, I first assumed it happened during work.  He told me it happened on the freeway while on the way to work.  Per his recollection, he was basically driving alone on the freeway while on his motorcycle.  YES, I said motorcycle.  During his commute, he started to feel light-headed, as if he were going to pass out.  He decided he’d better get off the next exit for safety purposes.

He made it from the carpool lane to the furthest right lane   . . . .   and that’s all he remembered.

When he came to, he was laying on his left side in the middle of that furthest right lane.  He stood up and moved to the side of the freeway.  He looked around and didn’t see his motorcycle, and thought, “where’s my motorcycle?”.  He looked around more, and there it was, down the freeway offramp, about one hundred yards away, on its left side with its left blinker on.  He walked over to it and picked it up.  Eventually, Highway Patrol saw him and assisted him.  He said they were very nice.  He didn’t recall anything after making it over to the right lane.  He obviously blacked out, fell off his motorcycle onto his left side and then skidded.  They did their normal questioning and assessment, then let him on his way.  He had sense enough and stopped at the nearest fuel station/convenient market, drank a Gatorade and ate a sandwich.

He said the feeling was very similar to when he had a couple of blackout spells during grade school.  That was the last time he’d even experienced any.  He attributes this particular incident to possibly being dehydrated.  He recognized he hasn’t been drinking enough water.  Good thing he’s already scheduled for his complete physical exam this upcoming week.

I held back my tears, gave him a big hug and said I was just glad he was okay.  His motorcycle has minor damage, he’ll need a new helmet and jacket.  I told him I’d said a prayer for him as he’d rode off to work that morning.  I truly believe he had guardian angels watching over him.  He agreed.

jacket

(The jacket showing the left side shoulder area)

Peaceful Serenity

The other night, or actually in the very early morning hours, I experienced the most peaceful dream I’ve ever encountered.  I dreamt of my own death.  As terrible as that may seem, I have to argue otherwise.  What I can take of it, is that there was some type of natural disaster or something of similar nature that had just recently occurred.  Family and co-workers were in my dream.  One co-worker was picking up various articles and organizing them as to put them away or discard them.  I was weak and knew I was sick and/or close to dying.  Not sick due to the incident, but rather I had been ill for a long while and my time on earth was close to its end.  I could feel and sense it.  Now at this point, I had to move with someone’s assistance, by walking to one building location to another building or room within the same building.  The room I ended up in was clean, white colored with white ottomans strewn throughout the room.  It reminded me almost as if we were all gathered in a very large waiting room area.  People were standing against the walls, sitting on the floor, sitting on the ottomans, or sitting on the floor while leaning against ottomans, as I was, but I was mostly slumped over one.  The dream was silent and nobody really spoke.  Everyone moved slowly and with ease.  You may find this silly or vain, but I calmly asked for another lady to apply nail polish to my unpolished fingernails.  It was as if I were making my last request.  She was probably a good friend or co-worker, but I didn’t recognize her.  I was sitting on the floor and she told me of course she’d do it.  I don’t know where it came from, but she managed to produce a nail polish!  She sat down on the floor beside me.  At that moment, my husband walked around me while a tear was coming down his face, just to be close by to me.  The lady told me my fingers looked so weak with much sadness.  She shook the bottle, and as she untwisted it, I immediately flinched and gasped aloud.  I had felt a sharp pain to my chest, and simultaneously felt my vision was fading to black. Everyone looked at me with frightened expressions.  I knew death was happening at that moment.  I stood up slowly, but with a feeling of panic and tried to speak, but could only mouth the word, “Love”, while putting the palms of my hands together as if praying, and made pointing motions with them towards everyone.  I kept mouthing the word, “Love”, over and over to people around the room, still with my praying hands together and motioning.  My mom looked over at me from across the room and nodded as if she understood.

My vision slowly faded completely to black.  I woke up immediately from that dream and I said to myself, “If that’s how peaceful and painless it’s going to be, then I’m good”.  I went back to sleep.  I was so relaxed and content.

I’ve read that dreaming of your own death may be interpreted as facing the end of something – career, marriage, or other life-altering change.  Also, symbolizing a new chapter in life.  Honestly, I am anxiously hoping that my new career change will be happening by next year, so that may have played a huge factor to my dream.

Then There Were Two

It was 5:15 a.m., on a Wednesday morning, in the fine month of July, 1999.  I woke up fairly early to the very familiar sensation I’d experienced just three short years prior.  I thought, “Are you kidding me??!!”.  This was planned to be my last week at work, where I was to have three glorious weeks off to continue my nesting stage, in preparation for the arrival of my second son.  Instead, I had to inform work that my maternity leave had started NOW!  I felt badly having to put all the responsibility and workload on one other staff person, but when baby wants out, baby wants out!  Pop went the weasel!  Yes, my water broke, and I laid in bed surrounded in all its liquified warmth.  A dramatic wake up call, thanks to my baby boy!  Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to rearrange all the furniture in the boys’ room by myself.  I recall there being a solid oak, twin-sized trundle bed, a baby crib/toddler bed with attached dresser/changing table, another dresser/changing table, a desk, and a book shelf.  I put my back against most, pushed with my legs to manuever, and tried not to really lift anything.  Yes, my husband had warned me not to do anything too strenuous, but what pregnant woman in her right mind ever listened to reason!  Regardless, I didn’t do any of this the night before or even that week, so I was guilt-free.

It was summer and I had a very bad cold.  Can you imagine how miserable it was to suffer from severe cold symptoms while being pregnant during the HOT summer month of July?  For those who can relate, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  On top of that, I worked full time 1400-0030 hours, my back ached 24/7, and I was raising my 3-year old son.  Everything was beyond my control at this point.  I gently woke my husband, or at least I don’t remember being hysterical. So, yes, I gently woke my husband to let him know it was time, once again, to get my tush to the hospital.  Same scenario as with my first son, my body began its random, uncontrollable twitching/jerking.  Not only was it annoying, it made me so tired and achey.

Stuffy and snotty-nosed, I arrived at the maternity ward.  As I was being prepped by the nurses, they discovered that baby was in the posterior position, otherwise referred to as sunny-side up.  Not the position preferred for a natural delivery.  Oh wait, that’s right, he was THREE WEEKS EARLY!!  Worried that baby may not change his position in time for birth, the nurses proceeded to manually change baby’s position.  I remember that being a VERY weird feeling, but really, my focus had been on the snot running out of my nose, as I was positioned on all fours on the bed unable to wipe my face.  I was so damn congested, and not having much fun.

Fast forward to 5:45 p.m.  Due to my labor having progressed beautifully, my doctor assumed I’d be the first delivery in the ward that day.  What have we all been taught when we assume??  That’s right, you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”.  I ended up being the last delivery for my doctor for the day.  Hey, he’s the one who jinxed it!  I had a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).  Specifically, I ended up having an episiotomy to assist with the delivery, and of course ended up tearing all the way down.  I can distinctly remember the feeling of relief once his head and shoulders (not the shampoo) came out.  The rest was smooth sailing!

My husband cut the umbilical cord, and I have the photo taken by one of the nurses.  I delivered a 6 lb. 4oz., bouncing, crying, baby boy!  Poor guy was jaundiced and eventually went under the tanning lights with his little eye covers.  If he had been full term, he’d easily had weighed 10 lb. for sure!  Again, I didn’t lose the 30+ pounds, I had gracefully packed on during the nine months, instantly.  Needless to say, I still looked questionably pregnant,  and joked that his twin was shy and was waiting to make his appearance!  On a serious note, due to having the episiotomy and having torn, I lost more blood than the norm. My body temperature dropped considerably and my blood pressure lowered.  Discussion of a blood transfusion was possible if my vitals didn’t improve.  Luckily, about an hour later, my vitals became stable and continued to improve.  It explained why the Godfather-to-be didn’t have an ecstatic and happy expression on his face when he walked into the room, but rather more a look of fear.  My husband later told me, the delivery room floor was a mess and mostly in the color red.  Graphic, but true.

I was discharged after three nights stay, but my baby had to stay one more night.  Being the great Mom, I pumped milk at home and brought it to the hospital.  Once baby was discharge, I was too impatient to wait any longer for my husband to arrive after work.  It had been several hours and decided to call my Dad to drive to the hospital, park his car, then drive my car around the lot to the curb entrance to load baby and me. My parents lived closer to the hospital than I did, so it should’ve been a piece of cake.  I think because my Dad was used to driving a manual transmission car, he was not familiar with my Jeep Cherokee automatic transmission car.  He was a two-footed driver.  I also believe him suffering from undiagnosed A.D.H.D., contributed to what happened next.  As I was waiting at the hospital entrance curbside while sitting in the hospital wheelchair and holding my precious baby, I watched my Dad start my car, saw rear brake lights flicker on and off, saw and heard rear wheels spinning and emitting burnt rubber smoke in the rear.  I asked out loud, “What is he doing??!!” to the nurse.  Next thing I saw, was my car drive over the cement parking stop, down and through the grass embankment, over the sidewalk and into the street!!! I heard a few crunching metal noises, but all was out of my view at this point.  It was around 12:00 p.m. and fortunately, hospital staff were outside taking lunch breaks.  Several people ran to my Dad and assisted him.  The Jeep had traveled into the path of two parked, unoccupied vehicles, and ended up flipped onto its right side.  Men pulled my Dad up and out from the driver side.  My Dad was shaken up, but not injured.  He was checked out in E.R. and was fine.  I must’ve been in shock because I finally broke into tears when I had to call my husband on the phone. This was before we owned cell phones.

After being without a second car for almost a month, we bought our first Volvo S70.  My maternity leave was cut short because now we had a new car payment – boo!  If you’ve read this far, thank you for hanging in there, you’re almost to the end!

My son is now sixteen years old. He went from a non-stop, active, out-spoken, not-a-good-listener, poop-in-the-corner, accident prone, hilarious toddler and young boy . . . into a mild-mannered, very good listener, talented drummer, wanna-be-chef, girl crazed, hilarious young man!  He’s my awesome gift, and I’ll love and cherish him always.  It’s never been a dull moment, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. ♡

BabyShot

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Beacon Awards

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I feel very honored and humbled to be nominated for my very first award, the Beacon Award!!  I gladly accept this nomination by YesterdayAfter.  Carolina is such a beautiful person, always focusing on love and positivity throughout all of her blog postings.  Please check out her beautiful designs and artwork on her site.  Her work will simply amaze you!

This award is for the people who light up our WP world that bring love, affection and purpose to our blogosphere.

The Rules:
Acknowledge the person who gifted it to you.

Pass it on to one or two folks of your choice.

If you’re not an awards person then consider it a gift.


My nominations are:

The Screenplay of Life Chronicles

Flipside of the Bikini

Awakened Words

Poetry and Other Ramblings

Write Into Life

Rachel McAlpine writes, blogs, draws and podcasts here

charles french words reading and writing

An exploration of writing and reading

Rain Coast Review

Thoughts on life... by Donald B. Wilson

The Doctor Is Out

Out of money, out of time, out of his mind...

Passport Overused

Showing the beauty of this world through the people, places and culture

Kindness Blog

Kindness Changes Everything

EWIAN

Independent audiovideo artist

Poems and Petals

Because poetry. And petals.

keithgarrettpoetry

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth

Saving The World From Stupidity...One Blog At A Time

Share Your Light

You are a miracle - Let it happen

Joseph A. Pinto

barflypoet & author of dark fiction

Lisa V. Proulx, Author/Speaker

Official Website of Author Lisa V. Proulx

Miles of Life Lines

The Gorey Bits Of Me

The Krystol Method

Writings By Krystol

Sunshinebright

Looking for the rays of sunshine I know are out there.

The Chicago Files

A Canadian Perspective on Living in the Windy City!